Constantine (2005)

I love Constantine. This poorly received box office bomb is, frankly, a blast.

Is it a perfect movie? Absolutely not. The plot is ridiculous, and some story elements are outright idiotic. But I don’t care. It’s stylish, moody, and packed with captivating scenes, solid effects, and a phenomenal cast.

Keanu Reeves is magnetic as always, a stoic, chain-smoking exorcist in a trench coat, basically Batman with exorcism powers. He sells every moment, real or CGI. And the supporting cast? Stellar. Tilda Swinton radiates divine malevolence as Gabriel. Rachel Weisz brings heart and gravity. Djimon Hounsou’s Midnite is pure menacing charisma. Shia LeBeouf is fantastic as the eager protege. That dude is one fucked up dude, but the boy can he act. His puppy-who-wants-to-be-praised-by-his-master 'shtick is endearing, and his arc is tragic. 

Last but not least, Peter Stormare is out of this world as Lucifer—zripping tar, oily feet, and pure icky chaos—earns the top spot in my book for the portrayal of the Prince of Darkness. Robert DeNiro in Angel Heart might have something to say for that, as he's likely to devour Stormare's soul like he ate that peeled hard-boiled egg in Angel Heart. 

Rewatching this in glorious 4K HDR on my OLED made me bump this to 5 stars. The lighting, shadow work, and hellish visuals are breathtaking...it's a whole new film. The ice cube to wipe the blood on Rachel's hand, the cross-shaped hospital, the mood-drenched liminal spaces - so much detail that I missed the first time.

This watch struck me as a bridge between The Matrix and the John Wick movies—same trench coat mythos, same reluctant messiah. The visual DNA of both films pulses through this: sleek metaphysics meets stylized gunplay, all set in a color-saturated, noir-touched supernatural underworld. I’m convinced this film helped shape the Wick aesthetic before it had a name.

Maybe I love this because of my (lapsed) Catholic upbringing and soft spot for demons, hell, and apocalyptic drama. Maybe I’m just easily entertained. Probably both.

And what a kick-ass ending! Horror movies almost never stick the landing. This one soars.

Do the sequel already, goddamn it!